Day 39

So it's been a while since I updated my blog, so since I kind of have the time now, I will do it :P
Its kind of weird to say this because I imagine that people actually do read this, but in fact there is none, but nonetheless, I'm going to blog because it's a good hobby!

Okay, so moving on.
I'm currently studying for exams and I am already dying, I can't wait for exams to be over so I can stay at home, sleep until I wake up naturally and not jump out of bed because I remember I have something to do.

But I think I am so lazy rn to do anything except getting all the materials in my mind.
I shall post a detailed post after my exams!
Yes, I should do that.
Goodbye,

Remember?

Remembering all the good and sweet memories is what makes heartbreaking moment even worse that it already is.
Sometimes I really question myself so many many things.
Do I deserve everything I have in my life?

Do I deserve someone even after everything I have done?
Who is here to listen to me when I have so much to say but I can't?
Who is here to hold me and tell me its ok to feel frustrated?
Who is here to hold me when I get work up over things not people get worked up for?

Sometimes I really don't know.
Is it me that is not accepting people into my life?
Or is everyone asking so much out of me that I am trying to be who they want me to be and not who I am.
Or is all these just rubbish and I am just making all these up in my mind to make my own life miserable.
I just want to remember what it feels like.
I just want to remember.
But each time I feel like I am starting to remember, I fall back ten times further.

Tonight I just want to be alone.
How am I suppose to do my work and get my shit together when I keep crying every few minutes.

Day 14

Because rainbows makes me happy and I am in need of some positive vibe rn.
Today has been a shitty day but I believe tomorrow will be better.

LLao LLao @ West Gate, this yoghurt shop is opening everywhere, there is even one all the way at Woodlands! 

Open House'15 with my girls. 

The whole day in sequence! 

1. We baked chocolate chip cupcake 

2. We had our beauty session 

3. I fell into a drain 

4. The end beautified product of our cupcake. 

We went to Udders Pancake @ Bukit Timah because I was craving for pancakes.
Tries the mushroom and chestnut soup was was actually really really good and ordered Full Monty.
Every main dish is served with 4 of their pancakes, which tasted really soft and fluffy!
Although its a little bit pricey, it was really worth the price!
And not to mention, there is not service charge, every price on the menu are net prices :)
Definitely worth a try!

Okay, I really need to get this off my chest, there is no one else I can rant to.

I feel like sometimes people are just so rude I cannot even.
I can take it if you are angry with me, I can absolutely take it.
What I can't handle or comprehend is why must people raise their voice at me?!
Like ok, you might think wow why is amelia so shallow? People raise their voice when they are mad. That's normal.

But no, people get angry yes, but that doesn't mean they can shout at someone.
I'm sure all of us got shouted at at some point in life, and that didn't make us feel very good.
So why are you doing what you don't like on people?

And worst of all, it made me feel so bad at myself.
I started questioning if I'm very petty for being angry at such things.
I started thinking about many negative things bout myself I almost broke down in the middle of school.
Then I realize, I don't need such negativity in my life.

But actually I don't even know what I wanted to rant or get off my chest about.
I just remember feeling like shit, and I wanted to cry and I wanted to talk to someone and I realize wow nobody actually gives a shit.
I am trying so hard to be positive, but its so damn hard.
Happier days please come back, I am so tired.

Day 13

So much things going through my mind everyday.
I feel like I am just living everyday to get by.
I have so much in my mind but I can't say it out.
Its not that I don't want to share, its because I can't.

When one bad thing happen, everything else always have a way of falling apart.
I'm so tired of trying to explain myself every time people misunderstand me.
I'm so tired of me honestly,
Is that why people always leave me?

I will never know because I will never get to find out.
Am I complicating things in my mind as usual or is things really this complicated?
Why does every single thing now have to be so hard,
I feel so tired, everything is taking so much out of me.

And I am still a fat piece of shit.
Sigh, its 2015, get yourself together Amelia, there is no more time left.

//LATE HAPPY NEW YEAR POST//

Okay, I think that's enough fireworks, anyway HAPPY 2015 EVERYONE!
I am 7 days late but whatever, Happy new year guys!

2014 has been one hell of a crazy adventure, I met so many people who genuinely touched my heart and showed me how happiness can be found in the simplest of things, I sign up for roles that challenged my own comfort zone and I am so glad I did, I learned a lot of valuable lessons, and I am blessed to have so know so many people who love me for who I am, and lastly, I got into a relationship (which sometimes I still find it so surreal but in a good way obviously)



Here's a mini recap of my 2014 :)

1. CYA @ Myanmar

I really don't think I can ever stop missing this beautiful country with the beautiful children I am lucky enough to get the chance to meet :( 

The 14 days was the first longest overseas trip I ever had, and it was truly the best. 

I signed up not knowing what to expect and ended up having the best and most special experience which changed my heart completely. 

So thankful I got to go on this trip with the best bunch of people and so thankful God place me at the right place at the right time. 

Allowing my heart to take its first step towards recovery, and meet so many beautiful children who shower us with so much love. 

Its real, the people who have it less give more, smile more and appreciate more. 

I miss this place so much, and I will go back, idk when but I know I will. 

After all, home is where the heart is, and a part of my heart will forever be there. 

2. CSOP

First ever GL experience and so thankful to share it together with this bunch of awesome ladies from BUMBLEBEE.
It really wasn't easy having to step out of my comfort zone as an introvert and lead this group of people but I am glad I insanely decided to join and I think I did it.
Its such a happy thing to see the girls slowly opening up and becoming more and more confident each day during the orientation, and so grateful to lead this group with 3 other awesome GLs. :)
They say the first is the best, I agree, my first ever GL experience and I guess I won't need another one anymore, the first is indeed enough :")

3. Hong Kong

#BZSEGOESTOHK 

One month in Hong Kong away from family, friends, God was probably the most terrifying yet fun month in my life. 

Learning new languages, going to Fu Tai Market, going to Disneyland, Ocean Park, social enterprises everything we did there, was really fun.

Thankful for SumDims who make the crazy project meeting so much more enjoyable and fun, to my girls for waking me up every morning when I can't wake up, to my room mate for accepting my lapsupness and helping me be less lazy and lap sup. 

This Hong Kong OIP has been a crazy yet memorable trip and definitely a story I will share with to my future kids (if I am going to have any) 

4. LAC

The last camp I will probably ever be in anymore in poly. 

So thankful it was hands down the best camp I have ever been to in HMS. 

I was a camper myself once last year, and so grateful I manage to somehow pass the interview and be in the camp again but as a facilitator. 

Leading the smallest group in my tribe, but so ever grateful for my 4 thalia grace half-blood, who proven me wrong in everything. 

Thank you girls for being the most enthusiastic, crazy, funny, supportive, loving campers any facilitators can ever ask for. 

Its really crazy how we all manage to hit it off so well few minutes after we meet, still can't believe it really happened, HAHAHAHAHAHHA. 

5. Only the Cools

They say its hard to find true friends in poly, but I think I am one of the lucky few who manage to find some :)
Thank you girls for making lessons so much more easier to go to everyday and thank you for accepting me for who I am and supporting me and cheering me on on the times I want to give up.
Thank God next semester all of us will be absent together because we are all going for internship and that also mean we won't be separated for year 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't wait for the day to come I can look at all of you and say we made it :")
Much much love for every single one of you <3

6. Shawn Yap Wei Yang Meh Meh

This space has probably seen a lot of you but here is more of you HAHAHAHAHAH and definitely more to come in the new year :)
Thank you for being the most unexpected and greatest thing that came into my life this year.
Its so crazy to think someone will actually fall in love with me who is lap sup every single day.
Thank you for shamelessly asking me out for dinner in hong kong and approaching me, because somehow it worked and I am so glad it did.
Thank you for loving me and accepting every parts of me I have trouble loving and improving yourself day by day.
I love you so much, and I am thankful I started 2014 without you but I am starting 2015 and the future with you.

7. God + Family

Thankful for my family too for being the best family I can ever have.
I will work hard this year so I can earn more money and let you both enjoy life earlier, and I am so grateful my siblings are starting to be more mature :")

And to God too, for keeping me in your hands and your unending love, mercy, grace and faith in me.
2014 has been a great year by Your guide and I pray 2015 will be a even greater year.
A year where I can meet even more people, do even more things, and be deeper in love with You.
Thank you God for a year of wonderful adventure,